A good start.

When you're an artist, you have a huge, heavy question you have to face - what is it exactly that you want to say with your talent? After all, you've been given a unique voice of expression - a voice no one else has quite the same as you.

So certainly, there's a statement you've been cultivating it to use for. . .right?

. . .

And that's where I find myself.

Honestly, I envy artists who know what they want to say with their art. Whose work makes strong, clear, fascinating statements. Because that is so not me.

If you're not an artist, you may not understand. But I feel like I should be saying something with my art, building up towards an expression of meaning. All paths leading to some sort of climatic realization of self and the world actualized through visual medium.

Observation is a part of how I think. So art is like me taking notes on my world, but in a way beyond words. I didn't cultivate my drawing ability for anyone else. I never worried about making a statement with what I did. I drew a rose because I wanted to understand the shape. I sketched a cartoon character because I wanted to understand the visual elements that made it interesting and meaningful. I painted a person because something about the angle spoke to me, and I wanted the statement on record.  I photographed a sunset because I loved the warm glow of light. Or a person because they made a face in an instant I wanted to keep forever.

But I feel like somehow, this is doing the whole thing wrong. Like learning a dance because you want your body to understand the motion instead of learning to preparing for a recital. To play the piano because the sounds fascinate you, writing music intended for interest rather than rhythm and song.

It is the nature of the world to present what you're good at, to use it to establish who you are. But if there's anything I don't have a talent for, I'd say it's that. I'm just me and I'm often too busy thinking about the world to worry about making the world think about me.

So I wonder about the statements I'm unintentionally making with my work. I wonder if it even matters. Maybe I was given some talents for other people. And maybe I was given some talents. . .just for me.

So I guess if my work is to make a statement, at this point it'd be this - I'm here. I'm thinking. I'm watching and exploring in my own ways. And my art? It's not its own entity. Just snatches of the complete reality of my experience. Meaningful to those who share aspects of it, share interests. Meaningless to those who don't.

Hmmm. . . I think I'll stick to that for now. It's a good start, at least.

~md